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MATEKEEPERS

"I feel communities are getting better at looking out for one another and directing those in need to safety, but this program is one I can really relate to as it worked well for me when I was struggling. It lifted me further towards taking action to recovery...with the consistent support I felt okay about the struggle I was having, and felt hope for a brighter future." - Phil

Meet A MateKeeper

Marilyn Starr

What three words would your friends use to describe you?
Now that’s being presumptuous! I’d hazard a guess at: mad, tenacious, non-judgemental (is that four words?)....in that order. 

What does a typical day look like for you and what are you currently working on?
I start the day like anyone else, two cups of tea with honey. Then it just gets random. I’m a farmer, a carer for my adult son who is blind, a member of a medical council (like a board member), and heavily involved in the local community. I also try to help out my other son and his kids and my mum, so I’m always trying to do more than I can fit into a day.

So today for example, after the mandatory two cups of tea; I tried to sort out tax returns for my son and I, fed the chooks, helped my son to do a service on my car, reviewed two reports for my Sydney work, put together a new greenhouse, started the acquittal process for funds the community received for bush fire recovery, spoke to a neighbour going through a rough patch (using similar to QPR techniques) then found the fittings and reconnected a new pressure pump that arrived in the mail today. Yesterday, by contrast I was on hearings all day via videoconferencing.

My life is very varied and I think, well balanced. I have taken a long time to get to this point though, it used to be busy!

The project you could say I’m working on is trying to reduce what I do, but then here I go, I’m a MateKeeper now too.

What’s your favourite way to unwind after a busy day?
Glass of bubbles on the front veranda, watching the sun disappear. 

What would you most likely be doing on the weekend?
Weekend??? What’s that? On a farm every day is a work day. I know its Friday only because my pseudo-daughter calls me in the morning on her way to work, so I can always count back or forward from that if I need to know what day it is. Or mostly my mum comes for the weekend, so I can usually assume its Friday or Saturday if she turns up.

What book are you reading now?
Usually it’s some kind of self improvement, law of attraction, quantum physics, positive thinking type of book but I have been making an effort to read novels lately. Last night I finished reading “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini, an historical story about life in Afghanistan through the lives of two women. Bloody brilliant! And I recently signed up to do a writing course to see if I can finally get one of those books that are all mangled up in my head, out of it, and down on paper. 

What’s your favourite place to go for a holiday?
The beach, the beach or maybe the beach. Did I mention I love the beach?

What's one thing people don’t know about me.
That I have spent an hour lying belly to belly with a saltwater crocodile just to see what it feels like! It was in the back of a ute and he was trussed up and I wasn’t, so it wasn’t really scary. Their skin is as soft as a new born baby on their belly.

What’s the best advice you were ever given and who was it from?
My dad instilled in me as a kid to never accept something just because someone said it is so. He told me to always question everything and never settle until I’m happy that I understand it. This has opened so many doors for me..... and closed a few others. But I still question. 

What advice would you give to your teenage self?
Nothing, I think she did pretty well as she was.

What do you do to turn your day around?
I sit myself down and have a good talking to me. I ask me to think about what it would be like if I was X who doesn’t have the resources that I have, and then I get a better perspective of the situation, and things don’t seem so insurmountable. 

Is there anything else you would like to add?
I lived in the NT for 24 years firstly on a buffalo station, then setting up and running a wilderness retreat and finally owning a roadhouse/pub/caravan park etc. During the roadhouse days I went to uni for the first time in my life (I was 48) to study to be a psychologist. I didn’t really know what a psychologist was so by the end of it I realised I really meant to become a philosopher. Guess I should have asked more questions in the beginning like my dad told me to!!   I never became a registered psychologist but the training was very useful. I used it mainly working in mental health and suicide prevention in Darwin and then Arnhemland before buying my little place in Oberne Creek 12 years ago.. But of course I still use that today.
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Darren Booker

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​What three words would your friends use to describe you?
Crash Test Dummy! or Wants a Coffee!

What does a typical day look like for you and what are you currently working on?
Depending on which day of the week it is. I am either going to work in the office as a Sleep Technician, visiting doctors’ surgeries in communities such as Hay, Deniliquin (COVID19 depending), Boorowa, Leeton, West Wyalong, Temora or Tumut and conducting sleep tests. Or I am at my other job at Kapooka as a Simulator Systems Operator.

What’s your favourite way to unwind after a busy day?
Go out and take photos of the sunset, or take my dog Reaper for a walk, sometimes both at the same time.
What would you most likely be doing on the weekend?
Riding my motorcycle with mates or alone, out taking photos of the landscape or meeting up with friends and chatting while having a coffee or three.

What book are you reading now?
One of my many books on photography, particularly Landscape photography.

What’s your favourite place to go for a holiday?
The Canadian Rocky Mountains.

What's one thing people don’t know about me.
My bank account details, other than that I’m pretty much an open book.

What’s the best advice you were ever given and who was it from?
 “Never give up, no matter how hard shit gets”, my old drill Sergeant 1986.

What advice would you give to your teenage self?
 ‘Do NOT go home with THAT woman’!!!

What do you do to turn your day around?
I talk to my dog; he always gives me his undivided attention…particularly when it’s tea time.

​Is there anything else you would like to add?
This year more than ever, reach out to your friends and catch up over a coffee. You aren’t the only one going through these uncertain times. ​

Gavin Mather

​What three words would your friends use to describe you?
Honest, Genuine and Bald.

What does a typical day look like for you and what are you currently working on?

I work most days. My work revolves around people. All different. All experiencing different days and different lives. I find it fascinating. 
I’m currently working on getting physically healthier. A recent visit to the skin doctor lead to about 30 sun spots being sprayed with the cold spray. So heaps of ugly skin to heal. I then had a vasectomy. I won’t give you any details about how that needs to heal. Also I’m doing Dry July for cancer related charities. That will help in my quest to get back to a healthier weight. My dad was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes at my age.
I’m a single dad who is about to undertake a career change. Also I’ve made life even more complicated by adding a long distance relationship. Interesting times.

What’s your favourite way to unwind after a busy day?

If there is still daylight I like to get some fresh air. That can be a walk with my son, hit some golf balls, ride my bike, the gym if I can get motivated, or sometimes tennis. 
I often ring my best mate. He has a knack of making me laugh. It’s good to have someone in your circle that you know well, and vice-versa, and you genuinely care about each other’s lives. I’m very grateful for it. 

What would you most likely be doing on the weekend?

I work both days every weekend. I like to watch the footy and do around the house chores. But if an opportunity to spend time with family and friends comes up, priorities quickly change. I like to get my son out of the house too. Some one-on-one time is important for both of us.

What book are you reading now?

I wish I was a reader. Those people are in a much better place who can block out the real world for a while and amerce themselves in a story. Thankfully, my son has that superpower.

What’s your favourite place to go for a holiday?

Not coming from a particularly wealthy background, overseas or resort style holidays have been absent from my life. Most of my holidays have involved visiting family. Lying around and getting sunburnt sounds like hard work. But I’d give it a go.

One thing people don’t know about me.

I’ve lived in many places in my life. I’ve experienced both city and country. But I regard Hay in western NSW as my hometown. Lots of good memories. Some life-long friendships.

What’s the best advice you were ever given and who was it from?

“You don’t know what people are going through or have been through.” Advice given by my dad.

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Believe in yourself. And don’t worry so much about what others are thinking and saying about you. Because most of the time their focus is elsewhere, usually on their own lives. Also, try not to make so many decisions based purely on emotions. Ignoring intuition is not smart. Ask the tough questions.

What do you do to turn your day around?

Try to do something thoughtful or kind. Make a genuine effort to take ownership of any mistakes I’ve made. Get fresh air and sunshine. Work out a way to see my girlfriend smile or laugh. That always makes me happy.
A tool I use to defrag my mind is to write or type what’s on my mind. I write a paragraph on every new topic. It takes about ten minutes all up. Sometimes it uncovers what’s been on my subconscious mind. Sometimes it just helps to clarify or simplify everyday problems. Patterns emerge if you do it often enough. Anyway, it works for me. Mind you, it’s no substitute for professional help if you need it.
But for life changing, overwhelming, traumatising life stuff, I ring my dad. No judgements are made. He usually supports my decisions. And even though he feels my pain deeply, he provides important snippets of wisdom.
He has Parkinson’s Disease and is ageing quickly. I will miss that warmth and wisdom when he’s gone.
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